I:

“I made endless cups of tea. 

for visitors

for me

faces familiar

names forgotten

should have remembered

they were not there for me but for him, for themselves?

a moment alone

I promised

to myself

to look after his youngest

not sure if he heard

it’s not about me. 

 

I made endless cups of tea for anybody who would drink

too polite to decline

they cried on my shoulder 

in the second row”

 

II:

“Do you live for the living or for the dead?” I asked myself.

We lit a candle instead of going to church to mourn with the others, left behind.

I said I should go, for them, not for him, not for me. Is that a good enough reason?

For me, for you?

I celebrate in my thoughts your life and the positive influence it has had. Has.

But when that is gone then maybe it is time to move on.

Not dwell on the past, the what if’s, the what could have been’s, the if only’s.

To celebrate what we have right now.

Sometimes that includes sorrow.

But that is fleeting.