Carols and various other hymns are well on their way to getting us in the mood. Christmas is only a few weeks away and we are all in dread.

So why is that?

Why is this time of cheer so stressful for most of us?

Most office parties are a time of too much booze, getting too cozy with the secretary and laughing at the bosses bad jokes. But that is just the overture for the main course come end December.

Well the aunt with the hairy chin is waiting for her kiss (it seems like she has been waiting 11 months already). We have to spend money on silly Secret Santa for people we don’t see for another year. We hang out with long lost family who we don’t actually like all that much. I wonder if the feeling is mutual.

We eat and drink way over our limit.

And on top of it all we should be joyful throughout this whole ordeal.

No wonder this all takes its toll on us and we suffer this hangover in Jan. Financially, physically and emotionally.

So what is happening that this time of joy is often a time of great stress?

We fall prey to group pressure to act outside of what is true to us. This pressure is huge, supported by family, religion, friends and the Jones’s. Then if we have kids we they are targeted by big business through advertising which has been building for months.

So what to do?

Christmas is not all bad and some traditions can be good fun (as they should be). My point is we can’t blame anybody but ourselves if we feel out of sorts during this time.

We need a really good understanding of what works for us. What our boundaries are. Sure some of our boundaries can be flexible during this time but unless we have a good idea of what they are we then don’t know which ones we can be flexible with and which ones not.

For example if drink does not make me feel so good I have the choice. Drinking ‘just one beer’ often leads to consuming more. Knowing this and knowing what works allows us to choose for ourselves what we want. We can then either drink that one beer and run the risk of sliding into more or to bring our own bottle of sparkly juice to that family braai. That is your choice. Each choice has a consequence but at least by making a choice you can choose the outcome. This does require active engagement though. And that is what most of us lack. We think we can just float along and be happy. Sorry to burst your bubble. Happiness requires active engagement with our lives and that takes work.

The other problem is that so many things are unspoken and left unspoken around this time of year.

“Last year we had Christmas with his parents, this year it has to be with mine” is just one example.

Rather than leave these traditions unspoken and for everybody to make their assumptions around them: put them out in the open.

If we say how it is for us we allow others to hear us. Maybe just maybe they have the same opinion around some silly traditions.

So where do I start?

Feelings and emotions are a good start. If something gives you a funny feeling in your stomach then that is a good indicator. Just like an indicator in the car, it gives you some good ideas as to something going on. It maybe should give you an indication as to a recommended change of direction. Maybe, just maybe we should pay attention to those indicators and actively engage in our lives.

And here’s to a merry festive season!