I feel like a first-year at varsity. The year before I was a child, suddenly grown up. All of a sudden there were girls in mini-skirts and I had to fend for myself. I pretended to be adult but had no clue.

Last year we could hug, now we are distant.

How can the world be the same but fundamentally changed? I know I don’t have the normal income I worked hard for 3 years. Also I don’t have a way of rebuilding that. Thankfully.

From the order that we create comes predictability and a sense of certainty. We want it so much that we make it true. By believing we manifest. But we live not in order, we live in chaos. And when our universe reminds us our world often falls apart.

I visited my old home recently. Now others made it theirs. The walls were still there with familiar features. I traced the lines we had climbed. My body went into automatic. Things remembered. Things forgotten. Many things in between. Learning to look with a new eye at my world around me.