There are several reasons why you would want to run on the Promenade:
1) To be seen
2) Because it is convenient
3) Because it is very beautiful in a weird urban kind of way.
Gym Rabbits generally have slightly too much bounce in their stride. Looking like they are avoiding a rugby tackle with each step. Open to both sexes. Gym Rabbits run only with ipods, the latest Nike Air Whateva and all so colour coordinated kit (pick up that pink detail from your shoes, in your top and hair scrunchy darling). Tri athletes have a honorary place the Gym Rabbit Fraternity. Only due to grown men wearing tights and looking good with shaved legs and the women’s outfits leaving very little to the imagination. If you fail to meet any of the above criteria then you are clearly the lowest of the low.
The Freak. Mid life crisis men and joggers of both sexes almost always have this look of eternal despair on their faces. Trying to do the mental arithmetic of how many more minutes they need to be out here to tick off their allocated calorie expenditure for the day. They often wear a heart rate belt which their “loved ones” bought them to “help with the weight loss program”. Hating every minute of it but returning day after miserable day because they are told this is what they have to do to “get into shape” whatever that may be. Freaks are easy to spot as they almost always wear t-shirt two sizes too big and the girls make sure these cover their butts. They know their place is pretty much at the bottom of the food chain in Sea Point. They wear the most supportive Asics Anti blah di blah shoe blissfully unaware of the Born to Run revolution. This knowledge and the Mc Donalds down the road guilt trip keeps them coming back day after day after day. The only salvation a Freak can hope for is to convert to messiah McDougal’s teachings and start to trail run (possibly one day looking down from Signal Hill and preaching the message).
The Imposter actually has no place on the promenade. They are tolerated and are here to hopefully be noticed by wannabe runners. If one is actually noticed by an Angel he is one step closer to fulfil his calling – to provide sperm to the Angels and to settle down and breed with the deity. Imposters move quickly (after having done some secret warm up sets around the corner). They hunt alone for fear of being left wanting.
and then there are the Real Athletes, moving undetected between the groups, unseen to the untrained eye……doing it for the love of it, the pure art of running, no need to dress for the occasion, all they wear is attitude, an attitude to run for the joy of running……so, if you spot one or more of these (yes this is the only species to congregate in groups), there is hope…..
All this complicated jostling for position takes place right under the noses of walkers old (in their colour coordinated tracksuits) and young (oversized Gucci Sunglasses and elbows paddling the air frantically).
Welcome to the socialites on the Promenade – a truly unique experience!